I don’t wanna grow up

Where did my childhood go?

Where is all the excitement—the pure joy surrounding the first day of school?

Where did the love of all things learning, playing, and making friends go?

I’m in the home stretch—the final year of traditional schooling—and I have never wanted to go back to the beginning more than now.

Starting at the end of last year, and continuing this year, I’ve heard people constantly say, “I can’t wait to get out of here.”

Really? Not me.

I want to go back to the start.
I want to be able to make friends without worrying about what they think of me.
I want to be able to get ready for school without evaluating my appearance for 10 minutes before I let myself step out of the house.
I want to be able to look at each class as an incredible new learning experience.
I want to be a child.

But I can’t. And as wholeheartedly as I believe in the Bible, I have trouble trusting Soloman’s whole “there is a time for every event under heaven” mantra.

I thought I’d be so much further along by now.
Better body.
Better personality.
Better grasp on my emotions.
Better spiritual life.

And so this is the voice of despair that I’ve allowed to set up house in a small part of my heart.

But I also know that there is another Voice that can overcome it.

If I allow it.
If I spend time feeding it and letting Him feed me.
If I follow Paul’s advice and suit up for battle against it.

You see, I believe that despair, doubt, and regret all come from the Enemy.

So to get rid of those feelings, you have to fight him.

Stormie Omartian says, “The Bible would not have told us to take up the whole armor of God in order to withstand evil if evil could have been withstood without doing that.”

As over dramatic as it may sound, I have to put on the armor of God in preparation of school starting.

I have to put on the belt of truth as I put on the belt of my uniform khakis.  The belt was used in Biblical times to tie everything up and keep all pieces together. That is what truth should do for me. It should keep me grounded.

I put on the breastplate of righteousness to guard my heart. That is where the enemy will go to first. Not my brain, because I can out-reason him. Not my mouth—because words come from my heart first.

I then prepare myself to go show others the gospel by putting on peace shoes. (I wonder what those would look like?)

When Satan or his minions try to sneak in and shoot arrows of doubt, I defeat him with the shield of faith. Because faith trumps doubt any day.

Lastly, my precious salvation defends my head and the word of God is my offense, my sword.

All these things are put on by prayer. Intentional, daily prayer. And just maybe, I’ll be ready to begin to finish high school in 2 weeks.

just Makenna


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